camaraderie

My neighbors and my family's mailboxes are connected. And for as long as I can remember, the mailboxes have been the same. But now my neighbors just upgraded their mailboxes, and so theirs is different from ours.

They broke the camaraderie between us.

Why did you do this, neighbors?

I sometimes get on the internet, hoping that it will point me in a direction.

(it used to do this quite well, but not anymore.)

bread

If I were rich, I'd waste a lot of money. For instance, right now, I'd go pay someone to make me a huge fake piece of bread so that I could lay it on the side of the road, and make people double take and ask, "was that just a big piece of bread on the side of the road?"

You'll recognize this one.

When I'm older, I'll probably fail at everything and end up becoming a vending machine re-filler, or something.

But, here, it's not all in vein; listen to my plan:

When I fill up these vending machines, I'm going to do something. I'm going to.. I'm going to put two pieces of candy in one little slot.....so that when you come galloping up to get your sugar fix, so that when you flatten out your crumpled up dollar bill and put it into the machine, so that when you eye your kit-kat bar, when you press A-7, when you are expecting to only get one piece of candy....

whoops, two will fall out.



And then happiness will seize you for an instant; and I want you to think that the universe is conspiring in your favor.

It is.

bright

And I replied,

"It's like the morning, when I wake up. My blinds closed, my lights on, me reading a book. And I read, and I get used to where I am. I get used to the lighting, I get used to the artifice. But then I peek out my blinds, just to see outside, just for a second, and I see...

brightness.

And it always surprises me; I never can imagine that it can get, just that bright."

.

just drank a can of soda with a straw

while listening to someone outside yelling, every half a minute, "Lola, come!"

You'd think they could vary up their commands to their dog, every once in a while.


(It was a great night, though, thanks)

eyesight

I like having poor eyesight, and having the option of either having my contacts/glasses on and seeing clearly, or not being able to see squat.

I like waking up and seeing fleeting, blurry colors that make no sense to me.

I like my world, sometimes, completely senseless. I like feeling lost. I just like nothing being clear, every once in a while.

And if my vision was infallible.... none of this would happen, and it just wouldn't be right.

laugh

Something that makes me giggle like a child demands being written down.

Here:

Today I was driving down the street. I had my window down. I like having my window down.

Suddenly I had to sneeze, and it came very quick. I craned my neck and sneezed sideways out the window without thinking at all.

I looked up, and my neighbor (right in the line of my sneeze, but a ways away) was staring at me in perplexity. I didn't have any time to wave, or anything.


Is sneezing in someone's direction offensive?

.

I prefer the sound of "Treally??" to "Really??" It just flings out more exuberance in its utterance.

Yeah.

("Treally" as in the first part of trillion. Trilli.)


Actually, come to think of it, that would be a brilliant first name.

Trilly!....Trilli!

Genius.

ritz

I thought that I had cracked the code. I thought that I had gotten somewhere.

Here:
I was eating from a package of Ritz crackers. I pulled out three; and to my astonishment, this is what I saw: one cracker face up, followed by another face down, then one face up.

I grabbed some more to see if what I thought was correct. An alternating sequence. An alternating sequence of Ritz crackers! How could I never have noticed??

But I was proved wrong.

Face up and face down was completely random.

Did
not
crack
any
code.

pooling memory

There are just so many ways to describe how life can be sometimes—rubbish, balderdash—that I feel as though it is unfair—malarkey, drivel—that when the time presents itself to express the thought, only one of these words—twaddle, hogwash—can be said, and all of the other words—dross, blather—are completely wasted (tripe, guff, tomfoolery, bunkum).


But, I'll think you'll be happy to know, that I do believe........

that just as many words exist, to describe the other side of life.

I just don't know them yet.

Gem

I just ate a toaster strudel, and I forgot to register that I was eating it while I was eating it, because I was focusing elsewhere. Therefore, I never even tasted it.

Fuck you, selective attention.

imagine

Imagine a parent, a child. The child grows up; it's a teen now. And it goes on thinking and it tells its friends all about this: around age two or three, it had some horrible disease that just about carried it away to death. But it won; it beat death. The chances of living were incredibly slim, but it retained vivacity. It's a miracle that it's alive.

The child believes this because the parent always tells about it. And the child takes nothing for granted, because it is so lucky to be alive.



But really, the child never had any disease whatsoever. It was never close to the prongs of death; the parent made the whole thing up. The parent took advantage of the child's childhood amnesia. And simply made up a story.

.

Want to get a t-shirt that says, "I can't wait until it's 2004!"

For the measure, it's 2009 now.

Tioga Air Heaters!

A child once came up to me
asked
How can you stand being so lonely?
You get used to it
I said.

asked
How can you stand being so unhappy?
You get used to it
I said.

asked
How can you stand being so empty?
You get used to it
I said.

Then the child responded
on his own accord:
"I hope I never get used to it."

you have some 'splainin' to do!

I think when I'm older I am going to go out and buy cakes every once in a while, for no apparent reason. Fuck cakes being synonymous with celebrations; let's integrate it into the normal food supply!

car seat is two words??

I wish that there were one person in the Western world--just one!--that's torso and head looked exactly like a car seat.

This way, he could take his front car seat out, and then while he was driving, everyone would freak out because it would look as though there wasn't anybody driving at all! The car would look empty!!

mirror

Driving home today, the sun was perfectly aligned so that when I looked in my rear-view mirror, my mouth looked as though it was between my eyes.

I smiled and frolicked my lips and tongue around, and I had a great time. It was fun.

Drowsiness:

It is always me and you.
It is as if we exist jointly,
destined to be a pair of two.

Tuesdays

I blacked out yesterday, and God talked to me. He told me that I would die on a Tuesday.

I was right on the verge of asking Him, why Tuesday, why not Monday, how does it happen, what's the meaning of life?

But then I woke up.

So from now on, on Tuesdays, I will lock myself in a room with a phone, absolutely nothing resembling a weapon (not even a pencil), and a trained watchperson observing me via live camera. And I will be in this room all day long.

So on Tuesdays I won't exist-- but at least I won't die.

actually

I am fond of playing with the word "actually" in my head. I don't pronounce it the conventional way. \`ACT·too·awlee\, I say. Might I say, it rolls off of the tongue real nicely.

Here's an example of a use in a natural environment:

Someone asks me "how am I looking today," I respond "great," then in my head play with the word: "ACT too awlee......."

Sometimes I like to give suspense to the first syllable. You know, give it some stress and drag it out.

"ACT..........................."

(but then, always gracefully, I'll wrap it up)

"too awlee."

I like to condense these last two syllables into one a lot, too.

"tooallee"


So here, I'll recap:

Other Person: I am the greatest person to have walked the planet!
Me: You bet you are!

In my head: Act..............................tooallee...

I smiled at a stranger the other day.

We didn't interact
we just met eyes
and smiled
genuine smiles.

I just get the feeling this doesn't happen enough.

a sister, a brother and the reign of bee

Ka-jaw, ka-jaw, right there! I said
Right where? said he
Your shoulder! said I

Don't move, don't move, I'll get it! I said
With what? said he
This paper! said I

On three, on three, okay? I said
Two, three! said he
Here goes! said I

I got it, I got it, it's dead! I said
Thank God! said he
Oh, wait! said I.

It's there, it's there, it's coming! I said
I'm running! said he
Me too! said I

Infiltration, oh no!!

I sometimes cry for you.
but I doubt you notice
because the tears rolling down my cheek--
they are impossible to hear.

I sometimes smile for you.
but I doubt you notice
because my eyes are the exact same
whether I'm smiling or frowning.

I sometimes hurt myself for you.
but I know you don't notice,
because my normal skin and my cuts
feel the same to the touch.

I sometimes dance for you.
but I know you don't notice
because nobody can ever smell
a dance called "a dance for you."

And sometimes I sigh for you.

And sometimes I pray for you.

And sometimes I dream of you.

but I know you never notice
because just like how the grass grows...
I'm just there,
and that's all.

spam

I swear to God this is telling me something:

every time I email myself, the message ends up in the spam folder.

Thus, I, as a human being, must be spam.

I flat out stole this!

A person once told me that she couldn't write poetry.

I said no, it's easy:

you

see.
hear.
touch.

laugh.
cry.
love.

and be human, that's all.

Hi, hello, have you ever noticed how similar sounding the phrases "Are you joking me?!?" and "Are you choking me?!?" are?

Someone could say, sequentially,

"What the fuck? Are you choking me? Are you joking me?"

and a person could hear the same thing twice.

Haw, haw!

a beautiful rendition

Once, as I loafed on a
street corner
a man came up to me and
offered to switch lives.

He said that
he would be me and that
I would be him,
and it's really quite easy,
he said,
so I had no choice but to comply.

So we swapped,
and in his body
I really had nothing to do,
so all I did was watch,
as he waltzed around in mine.

And soon, my face became long
as I marveled at the way he
played my life
and the way he
sculpted it to a masterpiece
and whittled it to perfection.

And my face became long
as I marveled at the way he
gave my life,
a beautiful rendition.

And finally
we switched back
and I wondered
what in the world I would do.

this quote makes me giggle:

“The earth laughs in flowers.”
-ee cummings

I sit and wonder, sometimes, whether or not these eyes will ever be truly happy.

And just what happiness exactly is.

And sometimes I wonder, and sometimes I worry.

And, looking at this picture, I think of how I cannot see myself-- I only see my brother.

allergies

I don't know why I resist taking allergy pills. One pill a day--that's it!--and all the itchy throats, sneezes, runny noses and watery eyes, they'd all go away. But yet, with all of this knowledge, I still don't take the pills.

Is it because I like feeling miserable??


(I do like the feeling of sneezes, though)

Psstt!! I have a secret to tell you! I was driving down the road the other day, and it was very late, and do you want to know what I saw? Well here, let me tell you! I saw the library, with all its lights on, and one person walking around. Crazy, huh?? I think this person comes there at night for some serenity; their little moment of peace, you know?? But shhh!! don't tell a soul! I don't think this person would normally be allowed to do this, I think their boss would get very angry! So don't say anything to anyone! I want this person to keep coming to the library way late at night to bask in their special, secret moments of bliss!!


P.S. Don't you dare tell a soul!!

music

Once again, thanks for the words, Kurt V.:

"If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:

The only proof he needed
For the existence of God
Was music."

flopper

"Did I ever tell you you are a real fucking flopper? Huh?"

I want to say this to someone, just to see how they'd take it. I have no clue what flopper means. It sounds offensive though.


Oh, and I still have yet to do this:

Put up a sign that says: G0LIATH or BEHEMOTH or COLOSSAL garage sale!!!! (in two blocks)

and then in two blocks say something like... Almost there!

and then almost there, say.... Ha! Gotcha!